what's going on

As the school year is just wrapping up, I was anticipating a lull in activity. I am pleasantly surprised that this isn’t the case.
I recently received an official looking letter approving my request to re-contract next year!! Woohoo!! That is such a load off my mind. Now I can quit trying to eat all my canned goods and start buying the few little things for my place that I’d like to have but couldn’t rationalize purchasing with an uncertain future. I am pleased to find out that my base school, Minamishiro Koko, will remain the same although I may be required to visit more schools during the week. Details to come…

Due to scarce classes, last week we had time for a teacher’s volleyball tournament that was too much fun.

I was on team anko, which means red bean paste. Who knows. Only a couple of the teachers are skilled at this sport but no one seemed to mind going all out, diving and screaming and laughing and acting up.

By the end there was a 3-way tie and they decided to play janken [Japanese paper, rock, scissors which is unbelievably popular for resolving all sorts of disputes] to determine the winners. Every team got some sort of crazy prizes which we goofed around with in the gym forever.

Team anko got chocolate and nuts for our 2-2 finish.

Last Thursday night, the English teachers went out for a little all-you-can-drink party. It was at a small restaurant I’d never noticed that is tucked away behind a 7-11 literally 3 minutes walk from apartment.

We had the standard fare, which was delicious. Shellfish snail-like things that we had to gouge out of their conchs with toothpicks, grilled fish, tenpura, sashimi, rice soup and oyster stew accompanied by a generous flow of Sapporo and nihon shu. [Interestingly, in Japan, the word ‘sake’ refers to any alcoholic beverage. What we consider to be sake back home is termed ‘nihon shu’.] Afterwards, Ishiyama, Kobayashi and I headed to PTA for a ni ji kai, or afterparty.

It just so happened that I knew everyone who stepped foot in the place that night, which they found hilarious. One of the couples [I knew her from around town and he works with Liz] Kobayashi also knew so we partied together.

Its really nice to see them let their hair down, so to speak, although they think I’m nearly nuts.

We performed Peter “Ja” Pan in my hometown this weekend. It was a huge success; probably the smoothest the production has gone off. Many of my colleagues were busy but Minamishiro’s principal and Sato sensei from Yoshikawa came to watch. After the show Sato gave me a bottle of nihon shu that was produced by the Yoshikawa students on the vocational sake making training track.
Peter and I


Patrick, Mary and her mother and friend who were visiting adjourned to my apartment for a drink before heading to the party liz and I had arranged at nicks bar. It was great. We packed the place, the dj was great, playing danceable 80’s tracks to true booty shaking music.
Carrie, Beth and I

I was really glad the night was a success because we’d asked them to go out of their way for us, which included the usual bureaucracy involved in anything Japanese including meeting after meeting after phone call. And these bartenders don’t work for tips so they would probably rather the place be dead. Subsequently I’ve been back in and everyone has thanked me profusely, saying how much we drank and how much money they made thanks to us.

The aftermath of that wacky hairdo.

Our finale trip to Papua New Guinea is just around the corner…more to come on that.

Then on Sunday, Liz and I headed to Tokamachi, a town about an hour southeast into the mountains, for their annual snowfestival.

It rained a bit which meant some of the sculptures had pocks marks and smeared faces unfortunately. There was dancing...

A few igloos. Couldn't believe how warm it was inside.

A maze carved out of the snow.

Also tons of good food and crafts. Afterwards, Mel, Liz and I headed to one of those conveyor belt sushi joints. I ordered the shrimp miso soup which was only garnished with ebi heads. I had to inquire how to go about eating them [luckily I just learned the way to ask how to do something]. They thought it was pretty funny.


Also am so friggin’ excited about Golden week, a span with many back to back holidays when you can take 2 days paid holiday and secure a 10 day vacation. Last night Melanie, Carrie and I bought tickets to Seoul for the holiday. We’ll be leaving for Korea on April 30 and returning on March 8.

And as if you haven't had enough...I put a few photo albums online to share my pics of Thailand with the others on the trip. There are some shots that didn't make the blog.
Click here for pictures galore!

musings on love

Recent circumstances have begged me to examine love and relationships in Japanese society. With Valentine’s Day and our constant bitching about lack of action on the dating front, I’ve gleaned quite a bit of insight into personal relations on this side of the globe. I’ve discussed some of these feelings with a few of you here and there, but I wanted to try and collect a cogent synopsis of what I am discovering.
The Japanese in general are painfully shy, paralyzed by the fear of embarrassment, and this drives many of their decisions and interactions. This means they go to bizarre means to meet people of the opposite sex, and buffer their relations in order to maintain a safe distance. However, once they have decided they want to ‘date’ someone, they do a running cannonball into the deep end. It’s not uncommon to see groups of 4 or 6 people out on dates but they don’t sit beside members of the opposite sex, although it’s clear who is on a date with whom. This is an extension of the way they arrange themselves in the classroom, literally girls on one side, a vast space, and boys against the other wall. In the beginning I would try and encourage them to work together as I think socializing is an important skill that must be practiced if one hopes to be functional and well adjusted. They simply refuse and clam up and don’t work, so the alternative is to let them stay in their single-sex cliques.
I can understand the nervousness that comes with a new situation, but fortunately my curiosity usually trumps that anxiety and I am able to enjoy fresh experiences. With most Japanese it doesn’t work that way. They are terribly shy to talk with one another in a social setting. Throw a foreigner into the mix and forget it. Perhaps they are scared because of the language barrier [which is not so much of a problem anymore], or perhaps it’s our gregarious and outgoing personalities [which aren’t so common here] that puts them off. If we do jump that hurdle and have a decent conversation, it’s almost a definite that they won’t muster the courage to ask for your number or a date. Are we being a bit conceited to assume that some of these guys that we hit it off with should want to take us out? Perhaps, but to me it seems a natural yearning, seeking out people you are attracted to and desiring to spend more time with them. It seems I met the only 2 men in this town willing to go on proper dates within the first three months I was here. I’ll share these experiences to provide examples. The first wasn’t my type per say, but I was eager to see how the mechanics of dating work here. I literally bumped into him in the grocery store and he returned a few minutes later, talking way too fast in Japanese, asking if I’d like to go to lunch. We made it dinner and it was interesting. He asked if he could handle everything and subsequently ordered all our food and drinks without consultation. His eyes constantly darted around checking out other people staring at us [mixed race couples are not common]. There were no fireworks. The second fella I met on Halloween night and between his English and my Japanese we were able to hold a decent conversation. He was much ‘cooler’ and fashionable in that ‘I’m not trying to be stylish’ way. He furtively asked for my number as he readied to leave with his friends. A couple nights later we agreed on dinner and I had him pick me up from the station as I didn’t want him to know where I lived. He suggested Italian and we ended up at a well-lit romantic spot. He asked for more time as we decoded the menu so I could figure what I wanted. Even asking the waiter about the wines and then translating for me to ensure I didn’t end up with anything too sweet. It was obvious he was more progressive and cultured than the average Japanese man, due to his extensive traveling for work. On our 2nd date he showed up with gifts; a box set of Tiffany & Co. crystal glasses and a wave-making do-dad knick-knack. I was a taken aback as these were really nice presents and we’d only met a few times. He explained to me that it was just ‘culture difference’ and that it was common for Japanese to give presents. I didn’t realize how serious he perceived our relationship to be getting until after our 3rd date when he asked if he could leave the toothbrush he'd brought over at my apartment. WHAT?!? I truly enjoyed his company but was freaked out, obviously, by how quickly he was moving. As I reflected on the situation, I felt disconcerted by the reality. I was interested in dating, having a boyfriend, someone to spend time with and learn from. He was interested in these things too, but he was also looking for a lifelong companion. He is 31 and lives with his parents, which is incredibly common. As the oldest son, he is charged with caring for his folks which means starting his family in their house and remaining there until they die. Traditionally, sons marry and move their wives into the family homes so she can begin tending to his aging parents. They become her responsibility completely. Although he is unconventional, I fear the chasm between our upbringing is too wide to bridge. I am not willing to commit to that type of life and I hate the thought of wasting his time or misleading him. We had to have “the talk” and mostly in Japanese. Relationship discussions aren’t something people here are accustomed to; it’s common knowledge that couples don’t speak often and instead just ‘feel’. This also holds true in business where the extreme amount of silence and time for contemplation unnerves many a western businessman. I drew him charts explaining the progression of relationships in America after which we discovered there is no equivalent to ‘dating’ here. They jump from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend exclusivity to marriage. I knew from the beginning he was truly a good guy which is why he has continued to hang out with me, being my avid billiards partner and go-to man whenever I have a language barrier situation on my hands. He has taught me so much about societal and psychological differences between the east and the west. I am grateful that we can discuss these things freely and that my insight hasn’t been gained strictly from observing a Japanese man in his natural habitat, which seems clinical and unfair. I have come to see that a meaningful relationship, which isn’t necessarily bound for marriage, may not be possible here. I don’t state this as a definite because I feel sure the cultural, forward-thinking areas of the country [Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya] are home to more alternative thinkers who were drawn to those areas, like I am, because of their progressive energy and freedom.
Lately I’ve been teaching Valentine’s day lessons to my adult classes. I’m making them answer all kinds of risqué questions about things which make me curious; love and dating and marriage and sex. Found out that they don’t use the word ‘love’ to describe the feelings they have towards anyone other than a lover or spouse. There is no greeting or expression used for parents or friends which conveys a deep sense of kinship and caring. I am convinced this is not just semantics. Most Japanese find it odd that I pat others on the back, urge them to shake hands or hug people other than my boyfriend. I’m starting to think that these relationships, not just the terms used to describe them, are completely different here. I have always considered my attraction to like minds and kindred spirits to be a human craving for friendship and interaction; not a culturally-bound manifestation of learned behavior. The adult class confirmed that generally Japanese people do not have friends of the opposite sex because it causes problems in the marriage, so the only close interaction they have with the other gender is with their spouse. By limiting their exposure, they are undoubtedly reducing their ability to understand others. My colleagues have said that their husbands rarely talk to them, instead they just ‘feel and know’ what he is trying to say. I seldom see couples speak to each other and almost never see them displaying any affection. Then they rear their children in an atmosphere of compartmentalized socializing where the kids learn to avoid members of the opposite sex when possible and don’t view interaction as a positive means to any end. Liz and I were at dinner recently when 4 men entered, all at different times, all carrying magazines, and sat at a table. After ordering with no discussion, they buried their faces in their mags, one of which was blatant pornography, laid out on the table without any hesitation. Their food arrived and they shoveled it into their mouths while reading. They never spoke to each other. We wondered why they bothered to go out together. Guess this is some nod towards lack of a double standard…they don’t talk to their friends or lovers.
I did get some surprising answers from my adult students though… “Do you think it’s ok to live together before marriage?” no, no, no…then to a shy woman who scrunched her face up, lowered her eyes and quietly murmured “I think it’s ok.” It was very brave of her to go against the consensus and I believe her forward thinking bodes will for her teenage daughter. Many of them agreed they would marry someone from a different country or who speaks a different language. They also said having a mistress was wrong and when I pointed out that many men here do have them everyone averted their eyes and offered no opinions. When asked about what makes a perfect partner or great marriage, many of them answered, only half-jokingly, money. They also used wealth as a reason why arranged marriages weren’t always bad, although most people agreed nowadays young people are more interested in loving each other. They overwhelmingly thought divorce was okay, but admitted that it would mean your neighbors and friends gossiping about you and none of my students were willing to get one. Many women who haven’t worked since they married also don’t have the financial means by which to support themselves which makes separation difficult [This is one reason they believe women are working longer now although they all think it’s important for her to give up her career to raise the children]. After asking one of my oldest students, 78, if he would marry a woman who had been divorced twice, he replied “well, I’ve given this some thought and I have come to the conclusion that if she has been married twice she must have a lot of valuable experience, so yes, I would.” Everyone was shocked. Through talking with them and Japanese friends and observing people, I’ve began to think a bit differently about what at first appeared to be miserable marriages. I am young enough, and perhaps naïve enough, to still hold out for the idea of a partner that, with a lot of work, will remain your friend and confidant, that won’t disgust you when you look at him, that you won’t harbor resentment or distrust of. These are all things that seem to manifest in Japanese marriages on a larger scale than what I observed in America. That being said, dating consumes a lot of time and energy which could possibly be better directed. I’ve decided to quit holding the people here to my standards, questioning why they remain so unhappy and complacent. Perhaps their contentment resides not in a romantic relationship but in the financial and societal security that a lifelong partnership brings. They entered into a mutual contract to share money, raise children, and grow old together…not to socialize with each other, share friends or stimulate one another. It’s a symbiotic relationship where she irons his shirts, he gives her money for groceries; more like a business arrangement. And if that relationship means both parties are able to pursue their individual lives and interests while sharing the load and burdens of society, the perceived unhappiness seems a bit more palette-able. One woman in my adult class readily admitted that she envied divorcees because she’s been married to the same man for so long that it is boring. She also didn’t know if it is possible to stay in love with someone your whole life, that’s why it wasn’t worth the risk to divorce.
I'm not sure what all this means though I am certain that it taints every relationship I observe. I find myself questioning people's motives and reasoning. Acting out of love or obligation? Truly disliking each other or just being indifferent? Hopeless because of no interaction with your spouse or happy because you have a tiny bit of individual freedom? I've decided asking these questions is ok. Faulting Japanese people for their answers is not. Far be it for me to pass judgement on tradition and relationships I am eons away from understanding. It is this quest to learn more about their situations that keeps me satisfied.

Thailand, part five, Jamie's pics

Jamie is an ALT who lives about 45 minutes from me in Kashiwazaki. She's hilarious and really fun to be around so it was great making the trip to Thailand together. She recently posted her pics in an online album and I ganked the ones I thought you all should see.


sunset at Had Tien, where we caught most of the boat taxis to and from the island.


Had Yuan, the beach where our bungalows were. about a 20 minute trek from Had Tien.


part of the aforementioned 20 minute trek.


reeling in a boat taxi.


our sad departure from Had Yuan. all the guys came out to see us off.


truck taxi in Koh Samui on new year's eve.


girl's on the prowl. me, liz and jamie, the owner of these photos.


gotta love them bugs


smiley's bungalows, where we stayed while in the jungle.


Liz, Nok and I on elephant back.


that bumpy ride was too much fun.


she snapped a shot while ascending to the high dive.


overnight train to Bangkok.


this is the head of the huge reclining buddha, the 2nd largest buddha statue in the country, at what pho.

No wonder I can't get a date...

Osaka Journal: Japanese Date Clubs Take the Muss Out of Mating

OSAKA, Japan — With its blue tobacco haze, mellow jazz and slick decor, the Tu-Ba Cafe looks, at first glance, like any singles bar anywhere.

A visitor quickly begins to notice, though, the things that set this place apart from the other pickup joints and after-hours watering holes that dot downtown Osaka. No alcohol is served, for one thing. But above all, men and women are kept apart by a divider of smoked glass that lets them size each other up surreptitiously, and therefore avoid embarrassment.

Japanese men and women have a history of going to extraordinary lengths to meet each other, from the protocol-heavy courtships of powdered faces and opaque screens used in the feudal era to today's carefully arranged dating parties and omiai, or elaborately researched matings, that still account for about 10 percent of Japan's weddings.

But in a country where shyness runs deep, and loneliness often seems to be endemic, people are flocking to a variety of innovative dating services, like this membership-only dating bar.

"We get at least 100 new women members every month, and in this club I average over 50 customers a day," said the bar's owner, Hiromoto Fukuda, 45, a slender, carefully coiffed man who dresses in loose-fitting black clothes. "The model has been so successful that I've opened six clubs like this in the Osaka area, two in Tokyo and one each in Nagoya, Kyoto and Kobe. You could say that I am making a lot of money. Things are bubbling."

Many of Japan's recent dating services involve new technologies, especially the cellular phone, which has swept the country to the point that most pedestrians waiting at stoplights in some neighborhoods seem to be navigating by them.

A look at the popularity of cell phone dating services seems to indicate that many people are looking for love. A best-selling directory produced by Softbank Publishing Inc. cites 800 find-a-friend sites available via NTT DoCoMo's i-Mode, Japan's most popular cellular network.

"It's not only young people who are using the i-Mode meeting sites," said Mitsutoshi Sakabe, executive director of Softbank Publishing. "Anyone capable of using a mobile phone can do it."

Invoking a widely held myth here that all Japanese are middle-class, he explained that meeting in this way had become popular, because Japanese, perhaps unlike people in some other societies, "don't have to be concerned about race, religion and the socio-economic standard of others — so you can just send your e-mail and make friends instantly."

But for Mr. Fukuda, who has spent a lifetime laboring in the cafe and bar business — when he has not been working as a marriage counselor, that is — all of the newfangled electronic means of meeting strangers take the fun out of the chase.

In his new clubs, men must pay a membership fee of about $100, plus about $20 a visit. Women must also register as members, but pay no fee.

As they eye each other discreetly across the glass divide, which conveniently includes two transparent strips, the person who has identified someone to his liking (usually, but not always, a man selecting a woman) writes a brief "love note" on a sheet of paper. The note is handed to a waiter, who carries it around the divide to the other party.



A recipient who approves usually writes a reply, and a courtship is born. If not, though, little face has been lost, and often a suitor will keep trying until someone says yes.

The club encourages the parties to carry on their courtship outside, and Mr. Fukuda said that could mean at a restaurant, or, with a wink and a grin, often a nearby hotel.

This is a country where people usually avoid eye contact or public displays of affection and where many even seem to dread spontaneous conversation with strangers like a strain of the plague. And so the key to the success of these clubs, as with so many other dating services, would seem to be that it protects the ego of the suitor and shields the courted from embarrassment.

"The Japanese are very shy, except when they are very young, and Japanese men are afraid of chatting up women because they are afraid of being turned down," Mr. Fukuda said. "They don't know how to work through their fear, and unless there is some kind of catalyst, they just feel like they are locked in a cage. It is very hard for people to get together like that."

As the owner spoke, an elegantly dressed young woman who had been sitting at the bar, quietly reading a magazine, was handed an invitation from a man on the other side of the divide. A few moments later, she jotted a reply, and met him at the door. Almost like shy teenagers at a high school dance, they avoided each other's gaze as they bowed quickly and walked out together.

A male customer who would give his name only as Takashi said that he frequented the club because it was difficult to meet people in his daily life. "Plus, I don't like using computers so much," he said. "Here, at least, you can see the face, and know that the reality matches the words."

Asked if he had not tried simply saying hello to strangers, or perhaps signaling his attraction with a smile, the handsome, 28-year-old man looked shocked. "If I looked at a person I didn't know like that, I could be considered a suspicious person," he said. "If you just smiled at a woman on the subway, she would probably move to the next car."

long weekend...

I’m back at work after a long weekend. Friday was ‘foundation day’ and Liz and I took the opportunity to go for a road trip. The weather was beautiful for this time of year; warm sun that was deceptive, as it was still really cold out. It was enough to melt the ice on the roads for the day, but it couldn’t save us from the huge accumulation.
Me and my tiny car at a rest stop on road 18.


We drove south-east, through the mountains stopping here and there for photo ops or to check out stores.



We made our way to Nagano city, where the 1998 winter Olympics were held, and managed to find the town’s most famous site, Zenkoji Temple.



Plenty of people watching.


With these outfits, I’m sure many people were watching us too.


Each of these is someone’s wish. This time of year, a lot of them center around passing high school and university entrance exams.



Interesting to see the swastika gracing many of the curtains and hangings on the grounds of the temple. The symbol is found on the chest and feet of many Buddhist statues and it represents universal harmony and the balance of opposites. I have read that after the Nazis bastardized the symbol, many Buddhists began using only the swastika that faces left, in contrast to the racist right-facing mark. I’ve also seen where many Buddhist sanctuaries that rely on tourist dollars for maintenance or support of monks and nuns have removed the symbol due to the opinions of Western travelers. It’s interesting to think about the nature of a symbol, from where it derives its power and if once pure and positive signs can ever regain their true meaning after a huge p.r. problem, like being adopted by the National Socialist German Workers Party.

We then headed downtown, which is a bustling area unlike our city center. We found a bookstore with English magazines which was a treat. On our way out of town we spotted a restaurant named Delhi and promptly u-turned and headed in for some Indian food.

Saturday we grabbed a quick breakfast and hit the slopes. I’m really enjoying snowboarding and I’m progressing quickly enough that it’s enjoyable and not frustrating. It was a bit crowded due to the long holiday. We knew some friends would also be out and we ran into a few of them on the mountain where we made plans for the evening. As we returned to my car, we realized that we must have parked in a clearing in the snow bank intended for a plow, as it was now parked directly behind my car. We tried clearing a path around it but there was too much snow. Our friends rode by, laughing hysterically at us, and one got out to help. As he cranked the plow, it rumbled to life, and finally the operator came sprinting down the hill shouting at us. Eeek. We all adjourned to a mountain onsen for a hot mineral water bath.

Liz and I had them over for food and drinks before we hit the town.


I concocted a great spinach dip to go with the gyoza, cheese, meat crackers, sushi, rice casserole and other snacks. We had beers, chu hi [Japanese wine coolers kind of] and a nice bottle of sake to wash it down. One nice thing about the cold weather is that my tiny balcony has become a walk in freezer of sorts, great for all those things that won’t fit in the fridge. We headed to a local bar where Liz and I have been working on arranging an after-party for next weekend’s musical performance. We ironed out the details with one of the awesome bartenders before moving on to nova, a local club that occasionally brings in music acts. We were treated to a dance filled evening there.


Sunday Liz and I were headed to Gusto, a Japanese-y Denny’s like restaurant, for a hangover cheeseburger. En route I needed to stop for cash. The ATMs here are undoubtedly one of the most frustrating aspects of daily life. Being that you can’t simply go to the bank teller to withdraw cash, it’s a necessity. ATM hours are irregular and we can’t get a handle on when they are open so we just have to walk inside and try the machines. On the weekends, ATMs at convenience stores are the best bet, but also the most confusing. I’ve used the machines at the bank often enough to know many of the kanji symbols that pop up on the screen, however the computers at the 7-11 do all sorts of things in addition to distribute money [like pay bills, rent DVDs, etc] so they are infinitely more complicated. I enlist the help of the counter attendant to point out the button for ‘get money’ and go through the motions. It returns my card, a receipt saying something just happened with $200 and no money. The attendant says he can’t help and urges me to use the customer service phone on the machine. The telephone is always difficult and even more so when I am frustrated and don’t have the vocabulary to adequately discuss the subject [banking terminology hasn’t been high on my study list]. The phone was hopeless…the boy working tried his best to help…I was irritated; I’d watched countless people come in after me and withdraw money. We finally left and drove around, scouring, until I found a post office which, luckily, was open. They have English language buttons and I was able to straighten everything out. What pointless frustration. Turns out I had understood what the man had been telling me, however I wasn’t able to communicate with him clearly enough to confirm my deductions. Same as the confounding hospital situation, because the consequences are important, a misunderstanding has the potential to be disastrous so you can’t always trust your instincts. I sure needed a greasy cheeseburger after that.

cha-ri-tee myu-shi-kal

Many, many moons ago we began rehearsing this year’s Niigata International Charity Organization musical, Peter “ja” Pan [get it? Japan. Ha, ha] For 5 years they have adapted for stage, practiced intensely and performed a musical in various venues throughout the prefecture to raise money. They always partner with the Papua New Guinea Society of Japan to improve the quality of life for the poor people in the island nation. The group is comprised mostly of JETs, a few private ALTs and a few Japanese friends of other group members. We do it all, from directing to building props, publicity to costume design and makeup.

We’ve had 3 shows now, which have gone more smoothly than I anticipated. My role is small, which is probably a good thing since my heart and soul haven’t truly been in this since I began to realize how much of my free time it was eating up. I’ve regretted having to pass on cultural events with Japanese friends in order to hang out with a bunch of foreigners. To be fair, since we've started performing I have enjoyed the gig though. Liz and I are both tribe members belonging to a group who befriends Peter in Neverland and plays games all day and helps fight pirates.

We got to choreograph our own introduction dance which was loads of fun. It looks really good when we all actually remember it. In a hilarious twist, I managed to do the most embarrassing thing you can possibly imagine happening to a stage performer. During the 1st show, I was leading the tribe in a circle dance when I slipped on a tissue paper leaf [we were in the "jungle"] and went flailing around, fighting it, finally plopping down on my butt on front and center stage. I quickly spun around break dance style and hopped back up mortified. Glad I’m not the ‘get horribly embarrassed easily’ type or that could’ve left a psychological mark. After some shows, we’ve all gone out or had an enkai [all-you-can-drink party] which is a blast. Our show in Joetsu, my town, is on 2/19 and our final performance is 3/12. The following weekend, on 3/19, I’ll be heading to Papua New Guinea for two weeks to put our charity money to use. We'll be building houses for teachers [they have a problem retaining instructors in this village because they are lured away to more lucrative jobs with perks such as housing] and schools. Some of the money will also go towards paying tuition for the village children. It only costs about $20, 2000 yen, to send a child to school for a year but many parents cannot afford that. Amazing to think in Japan that’s the same price as 4 draught beers or 1 movie ticket. I'm really looking forward to the trip. It's been the carrot I dangle in front of my own face every time I get disillusioned about investing so much time in this production.

birthday bash

Uchiyama Miyoko`s desk is next to mine. She`s an English teacher whose grasp of the language is the best of all my Japanese friends. Last week, in conversation, she mentioned her birthday which had passed in January. I wished her a happy one, asking how she had celebrated. She told me no one, husband or sons, had remarked on her birthday. Her daughter-in-law had sent her an e-mail the week before though. My face must have said it all as she went on to explain it`s really no big deal in Japan. I told her we had to commemorate the event and asked when she was free for dinner. We agreed on the next night.

this is a photo we took at a work party several months ago.


As I was returning from work the following evening, I gave her a call. She sounded so excited and explained that, due to the snow, her husband could not return from his business trip so she was free early. The bad weather had meant my usual 1 hour commute home had turned into a 3 hour nightmare so I was ready for a beer and told her to come on over. She nearly beat me there. We set off exploring Nakamachi street and settled on a sleek, stylish restaurant I`d been eying since arrival. The server was a bit nervous in the presence of a foreigner I think, as he addressed her and ignored me. Each time he would ask her a question for both of us, I would respond on my behalf. She is very good about letting me practice and stepping in only when needed to clarify something. She also gets a kick out of people`s reaction to my comprehension of Japanese. We started with a set menu; chef`s choice of dishes. He asked her if there was anything I couldn`t eat, to which I replied uni and ikura aren`t my favorites. We started with a green salad topped with proscuitto, shrimp and a thick white dressing that bore a close resemblance to the anchovy and egg taste of ceasar. It was a welcome change from the ever present brown sesame-gingerish dressings. Next was an assortment of white fish sashimi garnished with yellow and green flowers and grated ginger which gave the jackfish a spicy bite. Then a bowl with a delicious potato dumpling covered with thick brown gravy; a well done skin held in the creamy potato and, to my surprise, a piece of tender pork. The last dish in the set looked like a tight ball of white raman noodles. She asked if I had eaten this before; I hadn`t. She didn`t know how to describe it in English and said it was something like fish insides. I plucked apart the wad and put the bite in my mouth. I nearly vomited. As I went to bite into it, the ribbon of membrane exploded in my mouth releasing a chalky, salty liquid. My eyes started to water. Luckily the whole thing was slimy enough to slide down my throat in one quick gulp. She laughed hysterically. We`d finished beers and Uchiyama had tentatively suggested hot sake. I told her to go for it cause it IS her birthday. As the waiter came around to collect the plates, he asked her how I liked the `shiraco`. I leaned into reply as he gave me an `oh, pardon me` bow and listened as I explained that the taste was okay but the texture was very, very strange. He chuckled, apologizing. I ordered another hot sake, oyster, scallop and fish tenpura and a fish and miso soup dish. The fried things were delicious. The soup wasn`t what either of us expected – a hearty bowl of miso with cabbage and pumpkin slices accompanied by a bowl of tiny, slimy [probably marinated] whole fish with beady eyes. Their taste was sweet and salty and paired well with the hot broth. Next came a pot of tender pork chunks simmering in a red wine sauce. They were fatty but succulent. The waiter explained this was a substitute dish for the one I couldn`t eat; an unusual nicety. As the night wore on he became more and more comfortable chatting with us and less put off by dealing with me. Later as I mulled over which dessert to have, he interrupted saying he`d just bring us both of them, a moderately sweet, gray sesame mousse that was to die for and homemade chocolate chip ice cream. I don`t normally do dessert, but it WAS her birthday. Conversation was just as good as the meal. Miyoko is very progressive for a Japanese woman, having studied abroad and traveled. She`s always very open with me and that night we discussed everything from her relationship with her husband to normal Japanese home life to office romances to world politics to my family to relationships in Japan to the future of my work. A semi-rowdy table near us was leaving as a middle-aged man approached and asked where I was from in English. We all chatted for a bit and he invited us to their after party at a karaoke bar. When she went to the toilet I paid our bill and I thought I was going to have to tie her hands together to keep her from protesting. The proprietor presented us with his business card, a nice compliment, as Uchiyama whispered to me `next time I come back, I am bringing you cause we got incredible service and free food`. Once outside I asked what she was up for. She suggested karaoke because her husband was away and it `IS` her birthday. Unfortunately the bar that the English speaking guy mentioned was already closed, as was another karaoke spot we tried. She said she wasn`t tired so we could head anywhere. As I was leading us to Nick`s bar, we came across a car bogged down in the snow. We pushed it from behind, unlodging it while laughing and slipping all over. The occupants were really thankful and bowed at us all the way into the bar. We had a beer there, chatting with the barkeep who I vaguely know, laughing and conspiring. As we headed home, she gave me a big hug and told me it was her best birthday ever. It`s hard to believe she is 57 and a simple night out is the most celebrating she has ever done. The next day I found a hand-painted watercolor card in my mailbox thanking me from `the bottom of her heart.`
Back at school I questioned another teacher about this mysterious `shiraco` dish. He rifled through several dictionaries before showing me the entry that defined it as milt. I headed straight to dictionary.com and discovered
milt (m lt)
n. Fish sperm, including the seminal fluid.

Thailand, part four

1/7/05


I’d been waiting to stock up on souvenirs and clothes until our final visit to Bangkok so I wouldn’t be lugging all my purchases around the country. We termed it the ‘fast cash giveaway’.

Liz and I hit Khao San Road, canvassing all the stalls and side streets. When we could not carry anymore, we went to the hotel, dropped off bags, and returned to the madness. I ended up with a bunch of cute clothes, a few thai t-shirts including a red bull one that I’ve been looking for since I lived in Singapore, a few pairs of shoes, some jewelry. Later we hopped in a tuk-tuk heading to Chinatown.

We wandered there for a bit taking pictures.
I'd never seen a flat pig before.


Later we parked it on the curb back downtown for a bit, enjoying spicy meat on a stick, a cold chang beer and a lot of people watching before it was time to head to the airport. I managed to pack like a pro and stuff everything into my backpack. We were a pitiful group as we waited for the bus to the airport. Our flight departed at midnight…

1/8/05

…and arrived in Tokyo the next morning.
Mt. Fuji from the plane.


Liz and I had a couple hours to kill before our bus back to Joetsu so we parked it at a Shakey’s pizza buffet and bitched and moaned about being back -- it was freezing and snowy and we were carrying only beach wear.
We traded golden sun for crystal snow, emerald waters for gray skies, warm smiles for cold stares, days with no agenda for strict work schedules. These contrasts illuminate the importance of traveling and internationalization. As humans, we learn so much by framing comparisons and examining certain ideas with respect to others. I’ve increased the sheer amount of knowledge I have about the world which makes me better equipped to synthesize notions relating to people and culture. In a constant quest to understand as much as possible about the world that surrounds me, this trip taught me volumes. When leaving a foreign place I always feel enriched, reminded of the importance of experience and observation, and eager to go and see more. As much as I may have enjoyed a locale, that feeling usually manifests itself in a desire to explore somewhere new; I think “if I can manage to scrape together the money to travel again, I’ll visit somewhere I have never laid my eyes on.” Thailand is the first country that begged me to return; the first time I know I’ll visit that place again. That is a huge compliment owed to the natural beauty, atmosphere, hospitality, friendly people and energy of this country.

อดเปรี้ยวไว้กินหวาน

they say…’forego the sour for the sweet’. they truly live by this axiom and that magical paradise gently encourages you to do the same.