who knew it was all about masturbation...

my friends and i often discuss the seemingly unhealthy quirks that plague intimate relationships here in japan. it is difficult to examine these idiosyncrasies objectively because we are undoubtedly viewing them through eyes colored by a western upbringing and judging them against standards that were molded by western philosophy. so, it is difficult to understand some of the peculiarities... we’ve had many male friends that never made us aware of their better halves. perhaps occasionally it could be because ‘they want to have relations with us’ [as some of our japanese friends have explained] but more often i think it is due to a compartmentalizing of their lives. couples rarely socialize together, which is a remarkably strange idea to us. even when we ask to meet the girlfriends of our male friends, they come up with excuses why it’s not possible, which often include lame lines such as ‘i’ll be embarrassed’ or 'she talks so much i won't be able to get a word in.' in the course of normal socializing, there are many work parties held throughout the year, none of which are attended with one’s partner. in fact, most of my co-workers could not pick each other’s spouses out of a line-up. i’ve been privileged to meet more husbands and wives in my year and a half here than many japanese people will meet during the course of their careers. i’ve also commented before on the separation of males and females in the classroom; they usually group together on opposite walls meaning they become used to single-sex interaction and quickly fall out of practice relating to the other gender. this carries over into later life when many are horribly awkward in social situations. there is also a preoccupation in this country with many things childish. take the ‘culture of kawaii,’ which means anything cute, bubbly, colorful and juvenile is considered interesting and desirable. there is also the sexual fascination with japanese school girls in uniforms. although this way of thinking exists in the west, i think it revolves more around the interest in the good girl who will act bad, a nod to the american ideas of rebellion and freedom of choice regarding personal behavior. in japan, i’m convinced it has more to do with relating to the young girls. elementary and middle school was probably the last time many men were able to freely interact with the opposite sex, meaning their social development became stunted around that time. the maturity level of school girls probably more closely mirrors their own than does that of educated, single women their own age. i ran across this article today in the mainichi daily news which offered an interesting perspective on why some of these quirks may exist…

Masturbation can be dangerous -- and I'm not pulling your leg, Dr. Kitamura says

Dr. Kunio Kitamura is head of the Japan Family Planning Association. He specializes in dealing with issues such as sex, birth control, abortion, puberty worries, sexually transmitted diseases, child-raising (he is a father of five), general gynecology and domestic violence. If he cannot handle directly a problem he has been presented with, he will draw on a wide variety of specialists to provide assistance."My (32-year-old) husband has so little interest in sex, you could say he doesn't care about it at all," a 30-year-old woman wrote to me. "But, he really loves masturbating. I'm not that keen on sex, myself, so in a way it's good, but I'm still worried."

Sex among the Japanese, according to a global survey, ranks lowest in the world at just 45 occasions on average per year.

And, perhaps, it is relationships like the one described in the above letter that symbolize Japanese sexuality.

Actually, I get many people working in the medical industry in developing countries who come to my clinic for training. As part of the training, I talk to them about the type of phone consultations we carry out. Students almost invariably give me dubious looks when I tell them that we get a tremendous load of calls from people concerned with masturbation.

They ask me why people are worried about things like masturbation and how this act could be frustrating them or making them sad. Readers of this column in Japanese would be aware that my own personal record of masturbation is seven times in a single night. When I tell the visiting foreigners this, a coolness tends to settle in on our meetings, as well as brings stares in my direction as people doubt my claim.

But, it's entirely possible. For we Japanese, the age where we are plagued by unbearable sexual urges that can only be relieved by taking the matter into our own hands, is an age when many in developing nations may already be married and engaging regularly in sex. If I had been allowed to marry at 14 or 15, I wouldn't have had to have gone through all that anguish I did.

Masturbation is a part of people's daily lives, judging by the results of a survey by the Japanese Association for Sex Education that showed more than 90 percent of boys have masturbated by the time they turn 16. But, precisely because everybody's doing it all the time, masturbation also brings some problems with it.

Firstly, there's the worry about whether excessive masturbation adversely affects people's ability to communicate with others. Guessing may be a bit rough on the man mentioned in the letter that prompted today's column, but perhaps he prefers masturbation because it's an easier alternative to the high level of communication required for sex with a partner.

Masturbation is more a case of being able to understand your own needs than anybody else and also about getting sex without having to worry about anybody else (and, no matter how close they may be, a lover or spouse with their own feelings and requirements is still a "somebody else"). The old saying about masturbation being "sex with the person you love most" does indeed ring true.

A second concern is that masturbation can cause a loss of interest in sex. It can also lead to an inability to ejaculate inside the vagina. Ejaculation dysfunction such as inability to ejaculate inside the vagina, delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation, internal ejaculation and dysfunctional ejaculation are all among the ailments with which masturbation has been linked, but clinical tests have showed that of these, the inability to ejaculate inside the vagina is the most common.

Basically, what this affliction means is an ability to ejaculate through masturbation, but not during intercourse. Normally, the erect penis goes soft during insertion. Put crudely, it means to go floppy.

Masturbation techniques have been pointed out as one of the reasons for causing this condition. For instance, if a man is used to masturbating by rubbing his penis forcefully along a futon, he will need not only to have a force stronger than the vagina to grip his sex organ during intercourse, but will also require the stimulation of strenuous movement to be able to ejaculate. This can only lead to a loss of sex drive.

The hand does not grip the penis to the same extent that the vagina does and there are limits when it comes to getting the pelvis to move like hands can, which makes ejaculation difficult.

While recognizing the beneficial effects of masturbation, it may be worth re-thinking masturbation methods if there is a danger of ejaculation becoming dysfunctional. The best methods are gently, limiting rapid movements and using your imagination. (By Dr. Kunio Kitamura, special to the Mainichi)

osaka flashback

liz, carrie and i are leaving tomorrow night for osaka!!! figured i should post the pics from our last trip before i get too backed up. the first time we headed there was for liz's birthday back in october.
way too excited to be drinking starbucks...


dotonbori on the banks of the river


nope, not a hair salon. it's a host bar where you can pay men to 'entertain' you.
take your pick...


workin' off that huge caramel latte


this place better have some mean bacon if they're gonna advertise like that.


people watching in amerika mura, which means american village. but if you're hip like us you can just say ame mura.


the girls hit the streets. this shot is evidence why i don't smile open-mouthed in pics. am i missing a front tooth or what?!


yaki niku for dinner




we noticed this phantastic car just as the owner noticed us. he graciously allowed us to act like we were pimpin' in his ride.






killin' time before our tattoo appt.


we tore up the town with these osaka boys, who we met at the fuji rock festival last year.


we're eating again...imagine that. look at all the plates we fat foreigners licked clean. but it was mexican...c'mon, give us a break.



**some photos credited to lizzy lou

the night before hong kong and its lingering effects...

so last week i finally got my gaijin [foreigner’s] card. it was the last official i.d. that needed replacing after my wallet got stolen. i say stolen because it’s been 2 months since it went missing without so much as a trace, which is a very rare occurrence in this uber-safe country. all my japanese friends are in absolute disbelief…except maybe the ones who took it. so the story goes…i was out to dinner with carrie and 2 male japanese friends. i’d known these guys for a couple of months and had been spending quite a bit of time with them; they'd even been over for dinner and spent the night at my place. when we went to each pay our share of the check at the sushi bar they both exclaimed ‘okane mochi’ or ‘you’re rich’. i laughed it off, telling them it was my trip money. they knew we were leaving the next morning for hong kong. afterwards, we all retired to carrie's place for a few more beers before they finally departed about 4:30 am. so the following day, as we’re heading out, i’m doing a last check and my wallet is nowhere to be found. neither was the $1,400 cash that had been tucked inside. i called the sushi chef at the restaurant, called the guys, searched the house, the car and the chef searched all over too. nothing. i had 10 minutes to decide what to do…i had to catch the next train in order to make it to tokyo on time to make the flight. i set off. en route i was in constant communication with one of the guys and the sushi chef. they helped me file a police report and call the airport to make sure i could depart with no i.d. except my passport [which luckily had been in my suitcase]. i arrived in hong kong with 140 yen, not even enough to buy lunch. carrie so graciously agreed to spot me, not just any old loan, we’re talking enough money to do hong kong. cash advances on credit cards can be great when you need ‘em. we lived it up; shopping, eating and playing. and i continued to dig myself a financial hole… we managed to miss our plane on the way home. united airlines was so unhelpful [boycott united!!] and told us there was nothing to do but buy another ticket for the following day. after much cross-checking, coordinating, stress, standing-by and begging we managed to find a flight home that day for the bargain price of $500. just what i needed! after i returned to japan i struggled through getting my license, bank account cards, i.d. card, video store cards, american bank and credit cards, etc. replaced. a task that is annoying in any language, especially when it’s not your own. and in the land of bureaucracy and red tape, you must go to this office to buy a stamp and carry that stamp to the police station [no, not this one, the other one 35 minutes away] to get a report to take to this building to get signed before they can issue anything. this was nothing short of an amazing accomplishment, one that i was actually proud to have done on my own, although it probably took a decade off of my life span. so now, 8 weeks later... the guys have ceased calling me and they act really strangely when i see them out. i owe carrie my first born child plus a ton of money. i’ve got no inkling what happened to my wallet. but what’s worse is that i have to suspect people i thought were my friends. i’ve rolled the situation over and over in my mind and i’ve decided the logical conclusion is theft, although i’d rather not think these guys took me for my cash. i asked them point-blank, they replied ‘no’ and that was that. i hate to think i’m gullible. these guys were really interesting and super fun. i’ll make more money. finding real friends here is proving to be the toughest part of life.

highlights of the week

UNAGI
as you all may know, i absolutely love eel. my friend eiichi had been touting an unagi restuarant in town for a while and we finally found some time to check it out. it was fabulous. the atmosphere was traditional, not in a kitschy way; low wooden tables, lots of bamboo, and soft japanese music. we started with a beautiful sashimi platter, omakase [chef's choice].

i was so intrigued watching the husband and wife, who own and run the restaurant, take turns at the grill against the wall. they used broad paper fans to constantly stir the air, wafting the most delicious smells through the place; a blend of smoky wood, sweet brown sauce and delicate seafood.
i let eiichi do all the ordering...

and i was more than pleased when they sat this feast in front of me...

it was the most delicious eel i've ever eaten, unseating the previous champion from the fish market in tokyo. it was accompanied by an egg custard with mushrooms, which i plucked from the congealed dish before passing it off to eiichi [i'm kinda funny about eggs ya know]. there was also a dish of various veggie pickles and a thin, aromatic soup in which floated herbs and an eel's liver. i hesitantly took a bite of the organ and found it rather tasty, lacking much of the dark, earthy flavor that i dislike about liver usually. we also indulged liberally in a few different chilled sakes that were obviously premium; they were spicy but smooth with no harsh after taste.

SNOWBOARDING
liz and i stayed at carrie's place on friday night, where we ate, chatted and drank till the wee hours. we woke early on saturday for a winter adventure. i'd invited my friend takafumi to join us for the day so he showed up about 9:30 just in time for a breakfast feast of huevos rancheros a la tiffany and potato pancakes. we caravaned to ikenotaira ski resort because 4 of us and all of our gear wouldn't fit in any of our tiny cars. [i am fully equipped now having sprang for new boots and a ski bunny jacket last week.]

there's an amazing view from the top of the runs.

takafumi is an excellent boarder and also a good companion. he kept an eye on us all, waiting for us if we got too far behind and following carrie for a bit when she was first getting started to make sure she was alright.

from the lift... how unusual that we're all left-foot-forwards...



taking a breather in the lodge before we drove to a neighboring onsen, natural hotspring, for a wash and a soak.


PARTY ANIMALS
then the girls made up and headed out for dinner, some karaoke [the highlight of which was liz and my rendition of 'stop in the name of love' complete with hand motions and hip shaking] and dancing at club nova.

some school shots

i teach at yoshikawa high school every tuesday. this time of year, with the snow, it takes about an hour and 15 to get there by car. it's a relaxing drive through rice paddies and countryside which gives me time to think and listen to music. i really wouldn't mind the trek if it didn't mean waking at 6:15 to get ready.

december was time for student council elections. here the candidates are giving their speeches. note the army of students seemingly asleep. the idea that japanese kids are all studious and incredibly intelligent is a great example of stereotypes giving the wrong idea.


my first year girls preparing for bunka sai, or culture day.


an exhibit of student calligraphy set up for culture day.


minamishiro high school is where i'm based. it's a 20-minute walk from my apartment or a 20-minute car ride [15 of which is spent clearing the snow off of my ride]. i teach here on monday, wednesday and thursday.
this is the main office. L to R: the principal kita kochosensei, the all around go to guy uchiyama san, the handle everything important woman umeyama san, and the flirtatious jack-of-all trades who is looking at women on the computer every time i go to the office. he's incredibly friendly all the same.


takahashi san, the accountant. he tries really hard to tell me about things like taxes and insurance in english by using website translators which is hilarious.


maruyama san is a new teacher this year. he's one of the few souls brave enough to try and converse with me. he's also a little bizarre; constantly grunting, moaning and sighing loudly. not to mention he uses a face muscle strengthener like this in public.


tomomi and natsumi working diligently to complete their posters for english club. they are 2 of the 3 members; a pitifully small group.


the english teachers' row of desks including uchiyama sensei and kodama sensei.


tanaka chan goes crazy with my camera whenever she gets her hands on it. i don't mind cause she actually captures a lot of people and situations i have no business getting up in the middle of. she's just nosy and outgoing like that.
my best happy face.

tanaka chan's best ugly face.

the most recent series she took...
me being tolerant...

me wanting to smack her...

her squishing my head... [yes i explained the head-squish-block to her.]

her picking my nose from afar...

it's the little triumphs...

rock!! i just acheived a new milestone in my life here in japan. the teachers were having their weekly meeting when the phone rang. usually when this happens i tense up, wait for a japanese teacher to emerge from the meeting room and bow and apologize to him or her as they run to catch the phone. today i got all ballsy as the telephone kept screaming. i timidly picked up the receiver just as a co-worker came running for it. she stood by while i handled the call, then she knodded and ran back to the conference room. easy as that! it was the first time i'd ever answered the phone at work!! when the next call came, she again entered the room but she wasn't running and she was looking at me expectantly. the third and fourth calls didn't stir a single teacher from the meeting. woohoo!! although i didn't have the most in depth conversations with them, i managed to determine who the callers were asking for and inform them they were busy with a meeting. i said i wasn't sure when it'd be over, could they please call back. this may seem a fairly petty accomplishment, but the phone is terribly difficult. you are left strictly to your lingual devices as body language and context are of no help. and it's not like chatting with my japanese friends on my cell phone, when they call expecting the conversation to be a challenge and chocked full of misinterpretations and humorous blunders. as i'm sure my japanese phone ettiquette is lacking, i'm kinda surprised they even let me answer calls at all. i'm sure that i am real unprofessional in a real un-japanese kinda way.

small world

so i've told you guys about this statistics counter i have on my site and how people stumble upon here when doing keyword searches for completely unrelated things...
here's a good one:
someone in monroe michigan was searching for "b&m roadhouse" and happened upon this page of my blog. bet they had no idea that there is actually a connection. in case you didn't know; that's the name of a bar/restaurant my dad owned for a while next to his bike shop, b&m custom cycles, in myrtle beach, sc.

back in action

well, i made it back from america. my time there was way too much fun, as evidenced by the condition my body's in upon return. in my rush to catch a 7 am plane, i forgot my camera at my dad's place...oops. i'll provide you with physical evidence of my adventures soon.
in the meantime, check out these bizarre products:

nightlife

here’s a little glimpse of the nightlife that keeps us sane in our small, countryside town.
nova…
the only true dance club in joetsu owned by the sweetest couple who have been really friendly towards us from the beginning, even making "nova members’ cards" for us so we don’t have to pay the cover charge. they are a bit older, but still frequent the club, often hooking us up with bizarre treats, like plates of corn. i’ve been known to dance with the husband on occasion. the bartender is their nephew who also rocks, i’m not just saying that because he ‘forgets’ to charge us for our drinks.
there was a special event this night; unfortunately it’s not always this packed.

the local crew who hooks up a lot of the hip-hop nights.


club nest…
this is our usual coffee shop...

we bugged them long enough about happy hour that they finally offer one drink at half price between 5 and 7. go us.

once a month this place is transformed into a themed dance party.

since the flyers and info are in japanese it took us a while to catch on to the fact we should be dressing in a particular way for these soirees. it dawned on us during the hawaiian party. we obliged as best we could by drunkenly picking flowers from the sidewalk pots to wear in our hair.
this is the halloween shindig.

i racked my brain trying to think of costume ideas, as japanese and american cultures are so disparate, the most hilarious, fabulous idea at home translates to nothing more than bizarre clothes that illicit head tilts and looks of confusion here. so i dressed as an eki ben girl; a slick double-entendre that i was quite proud to have thought of.

eki ben is the name of an obento lunchbox sold at many train stations here. eki=station o(ben)to=lunchbox. back in the day, women used to carry trays around their necks hawking their wares on the station platforms and in the cars. today there are many kiosks set up to sell the popular meals. eki ben is also the name of a sexual position born from the way the trays of lunchboxes were carried. i was glad to see my humor wasn’t lost on the masses… i even managed to win the costume contest. ha, ha!
with friend/dj saitoh dressed as deniro from taxi driver. he was perfect.


shiro kiya…
although it’s a restaurant and not a traditional party spot, we do manage to transform it on occasion. the private rooms in the back are equipped with karaoke machines and for a bargain price per person [about $20] you get tons of food and all-you-can-drink for 2 hours.

they dread us because we tend to get a little wilder than the average customers. drawback: the lighting really sucks.


hag…
i’ve told you before about this cheap bar with 250 yen draught beer. the master is hot, young and finally not afraid to talk to us anymore. sometimes you’ve just got to wear ‘em down before they realize foreigners aren’t so scary...which may have been difficult cause we act like this...

another night's photo shoot that we made the master take part in as photographer.



heaven’s café…
every now and then this coffee and pasta shop goes crazy.

they throw various genre parties here but most often we’re looking forward to the rock shindigs. a lot of our friends who we know via nest [see above] have formed a group called ‘time for livin’, which usually hosts the parties.

their specialty is new rock, indie rock, dance rock, etc although last time they spiced it up with some swing and jazz.


nick’s bar…
this is one of the first spots i was comfortable visiting on my own and it’s since become a staple. they have excellent pork and ginger pizza and a dartboard. if you’re not sold on that, the two cute bartenders should do it. wonder why i don't have any pics of them...
carrie's b-day evening...

we turn to nick's as a venue when we're organizing events cause they aren't afraid to throw a party. pics from a birthday dinner for a friend who wanted a dress-up theme.



funaei...
a restaurant that has recently changed locales and forfeited a lot of its style. the old location was rowdier and grubbier, thus more our cup of tea. the new spot still has the good eats but seems a little stuffier. it's also more cordoned off which isn't so conducive to socializing with other tables.

most of the time we prefer to sit at the bar where we can both chat and chew.



**a side note about the music scene- the dj groups here are fiercely territorial and once they’ve secured a venue for shows, especially an unconventional one like a restaurant come club, they pretty much have that space locked down. a while back we were organizing a party at nick’s bar [see above] but all of their dj’s were engaged. too bad, we couldn’t bring anyone from outside their clique to do the job. i think that’s one of the major drawbacks of the music scene here, not enough collaboration happens between the music lovers. this means the same friends play together, pass off to each other, throw each other feedback time after time. in my opinion, this encourages mediocrity. one of the best ways to push yourself, in many regards, is to surround yourself with people who have varied and progressive ideas, creatively, intellectually, musically, etc. our town's music scene is fledgling so perhaps it's the lack of alternatives that keeps the cliques so tightly bound. or maybe they're a little closed minded and i'm giving them too much credit. it's hard to tell.