who knew it was all about masturbation...

my friends and i often discuss the seemingly unhealthy quirks that plague intimate relationships here in japan. it is difficult to examine these idiosyncrasies objectively because we are undoubtedly viewing them through eyes colored by a western upbringing and judging them against standards that were molded by western philosophy. so, it is difficult to understand some of the peculiarities... we’ve had many male friends that never made us aware of their better halves. perhaps occasionally it could be because ‘they want to have relations with us’ [as some of our japanese friends have explained] but more often i think it is due to a compartmentalizing of their lives. couples rarely socialize together, which is a remarkably strange idea to us. even when we ask to meet the girlfriends of our male friends, they come up with excuses why it’s not possible, which often include lame lines such as ‘i’ll be embarrassed’ or 'she talks so much i won't be able to get a word in.' in the course of normal socializing, there are many work parties held throughout the year, none of which are attended with one’s partner. in fact, most of my co-workers could not pick each other’s spouses out of a line-up. i’ve been privileged to meet more husbands and wives in my year and a half here than many japanese people will meet during the course of their careers. i’ve also commented before on the separation of males and females in the classroom; they usually group together on opposite walls meaning they become used to single-sex interaction and quickly fall out of practice relating to the other gender. this carries over into later life when many are horribly awkward in social situations. there is also a preoccupation in this country with many things childish. take the ‘culture of kawaii,’ which means anything cute, bubbly, colorful and juvenile is considered interesting and desirable. there is also the sexual fascination with japanese school girls in uniforms. although this way of thinking exists in the west, i think it revolves more around the interest in the good girl who will act bad, a nod to the american ideas of rebellion and freedom of choice regarding personal behavior. in japan, i’m convinced it has more to do with relating to the young girls. elementary and middle school was probably the last time many men were able to freely interact with the opposite sex, meaning their social development became stunted around that time. the maturity level of school girls probably more closely mirrors their own than does that of educated, single women their own age. i ran across this article today in the mainichi daily news which offered an interesting perspective on why some of these quirks may exist…

Masturbation can be dangerous -- and I'm not pulling your leg, Dr. Kitamura says

Dr. Kunio Kitamura is head of the Japan Family Planning Association. He specializes in dealing with issues such as sex, birth control, abortion, puberty worries, sexually transmitted diseases, child-raising (he is a father of five), general gynecology and domestic violence. If he cannot handle directly a problem he has been presented with, he will draw on a wide variety of specialists to provide assistance."My (32-year-old) husband has so little interest in sex, you could say he doesn't care about it at all," a 30-year-old woman wrote to me. "But, he really loves masturbating. I'm not that keen on sex, myself, so in a way it's good, but I'm still worried."

Sex among the Japanese, according to a global survey, ranks lowest in the world at just 45 occasions on average per year.

And, perhaps, it is relationships like the one described in the above letter that symbolize Japanese sexuality.

Actually, I get many people working in the medical industry in developing countries who come to my clinic for training. As part of the training, I talk to them about the type of phone consultations we carry out. Students almost invariably give me dubious looks when I tell them that we get a tremendous load of calls from people concerned with masturbation.

They ask me why people are worried about things like masturbation and how this act could be frustrating them or making them sad. Readers of this column in Japanese would be aware that my own personal record of masturbation is seven times in a single night. When I tell the visiting foreigners this, a coolness tends to settle in on our meetings, as well as brings stares in my direction as people doubt my claim.

But, it's entirely possible. For we Japanese, the age where we are plagued by unbearable sexual urges that can only be relieved by taking the matter into our own hands, is an age when many in developing nations may already be married and engaging regularly in sex. If I had been allowed to marry at 14 or 15, I wouldn't have had to have gone through all that anguish I did.

Masturbation is a part of people's daily lives, judging by the results of a survey by the Japanese Association for Sex Education that showed more than 90 percent of boys have masturbated by the time they turn 16. But, precisely because everybody's doing it all the time, masturbation also brings some problems with it.

Firstly, there's the worry about whether excessive masturbation adversely affects people's ability to communicate with others. Guessing may be a bit rough on the man mentioned in the letter that prompted today's column, but perhaps he prefers masturbation because it's an easier alternative to the high level of communication required for sex with a partner.

Masturbation is more a case of being able to understand your own needs than anybody else and also about getting sex without having to worry about anybody else (and, no matter how close they may be, a lover or spouse with their own feelings and requirements is still a "somebody else"). The old saying about masturbation being "sex with the person you love most" does indeed ring true.

A second concern is that masturbation can cause a loss of interest in sex. It can also lead to an inability to ejaculate inside the vagina. Ejaculation dysfunction such as inability to ejaculate inside the vagina, delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation, internal ejaculation and dysfunctional ejaculation are all among the ailments with which masturbation has been linked, but clinical tests have showed that of these, the inability to ejaculate inside the vagina is the most common.

Basically, what this affliction means is an ability to ejaculate through masturbation, but not during intercourse. Normally, the erect penis goes soft during insertion. Put crudely, it means to go floppy.

Masturbation techniques have been pointed out as one of the reasons for causing this condition. For instance, if a man is used to masturbating by rubbing his penis forcefully along a futon, he will need not only to have a force stronger than the vagina to grip his sex organ during intercourse, but will also require the stimulation of strenuous movement to be able to ejaculate. This can only lead to a loss of sex drive.

The hand does not grip the penis to the same extent that the vagina does and there are limits when it comes to getting the pelvis to move like hands can, which makes ejaculation difficult.

While recognizing the beneficial effects of masturbation, it may be worth re-thinking masturbation methods if there is a danger of ejaculation becoming dysfunctional. The best methods are gently, limiting rapid movements and using your imagination. (By Dr. Kunio Kitamura, special to the Mainichi)