I was blindsided

I sat in the principal’s office surrounded by 2 english teachers, the vice-principal and the head honcho. his couch is over-sized with a deep recess meaning my feet barely touched the floor and I felt diminutive, like an elementary school child; the perfect effect for such a piece of furniture in this location. he began to run down the bullet-pointed list of my offenses between disapproving glances cast with distant, objective eyes, not at all like the kind man I often sneak downstairs to see between classes. “number 1) your blog is illegal.” as I attempt a response he moves along deliberately. “number 2) there will be no looking at or working on the blog while at school.” fair enough. as he slides a single sheet of official stationary across the desk towards me, “number 3) the prefecture does not want to re-new your contract.” an unexpected shot to the gut that left me uncharacteristically speechless. harkening back to defend my blog seemed banal in comparison. he went on to tell me that these two issues were unrelated as I politely excused myself from the meeting, or as it was, lecture. after the emotional haze lifted, I realized his tone was evidence of his Japanese style of governing, not harsh feelings towards me. all the same, the fleeting, empathetic glances he’s subsequently cast in my direction do little to dispel the stressful decision making process that lies before me.

a million and one thoughts seem to be constantly churning in my head. the more I have traveled and done, the more clearly I’ve understood how much I am capable of doing. dreaming is easy; the obstacle is actually plunging into it, making it happen. once you’ve leapt that hurdle, you realize you can probably clear the others that will follow [as i make a feeble analogy between life and a track and field event. you get the point]. at the risk of sounding smug… if I can move to the other side of the world where things as I knew them are absolutely turned upside down, if I can trek through jungles in papua new guinea with a sewn up and paralyzed hand, if I can spend hours surrounded by korean friends with whom I share not one word of a common language, if i can travel to hong kong with $1.50 in my pocket and make it, I feel equipped to attempt a number of other equally challenging and exciting journeys. one reason this sudden, life-altering decision seems so difficult is because I realize better than ever before that the world offers so many possibilities for personal growth, opportunities to contribute to the well-being of humanity and adventures. every time I think I’ve begun to narrow it down, I perceive a new angle and retard myself [in that true sense of the word]. I’ve been trying to organize priorities and during this process I’ve determined money isn’t at the apex, which is a nice realization. I think at this point adventure and experience are because they’re the only signposts I’ve noticed thus far in life which point me in a direction that fulfills and satisfies me. as I grope my way through life, i am emboldened by my experiences and inspired to seek challenges. so it’s time to decide where the next chapter will begin. here’s another bulleted list for ya, this one of my options…
-I’ve been offered a job in the middle of nowhere in this prefecture which would facilitate saving money but would be the end of my social existence. i can imagine myself living a scene out of “the shining” as I slowly get cabin fever and go nuts. there is a possibility that i could live near town [not as conveniently as now though] but that would mean a 1-2 hour commute each way to work.
-I’ve been pouring over schools that offer master’s degrees in teaching English as a foreign language. there are several interesting prospects in Thailand, where i’ve been aching to return since i vacationed there last winter. there are also many uni programs littered throughout the u.s. but they’re crazy expensive. grad school means studying, not earning money so there is a significant amount of upfront capital involved in this proposition.
-i’ve contemplated moving to korea to continue this occupation at my current level. it offers plenty of adventure and distraction, which are important, but also a significantly cheaper cost of living with only slightly lower wages than i’m currently garnering. i met an english speaking headmaster at a boy’s high school when i traveled to seoul. we exchanged information in case i was ever looking for a job in his neck of the woods. hmmm… of course this would mean deserting my friends and the culture and language that i’ve worked so hard to understand the last few years.
-i’ve been really interested in calling a japanese metropolis my home. pay would be comparable, although cost of living would skyrocket. on top of that, i’d spend infinitely more supporting my entertainment addiction i’m sure. and i’m not sure if i could organize all the details involved with renting a new place, finding a new job, moving, transferring mail and accounts, etc. on short notice. i wish i was more familiar with the burbs surrounding the main hubs; i bet they offer the convenience of proximity without the financial strain.
if anybody has any great ideas, or just wants to tell me what to do so i can quit racking my brain about it, that’d be great. thanks.