the deep end...

i’ve spent a bit of time lately contemplating my life plan. recently another girl on jet program commented that she just assumed everyone was 21, fresh out of college, because she was. that sent me spiraling into thoughts of aging, the future and common perceptions of what constitutes a life well spent. one of the only things i’ve ever felt strongly enough about to term a ‘passion’ is cultural exchange, be it in the form of language study, travel, culinary sampling, etc. now i find myself in a place where i am realizing how well i understood my own needs and desires. i truly feel like i am prospering here; that this is an environment in which i can flourish. i am acquiring skills and, if that isn’t reward enough, also remembering how empowering it is to stretch your brain and learn. i’ve decided to sign and mail my letter of intent to stay another year. this country and this experience are a huge fruit that i haven’t squeezed every drop of juice from yet. i can’t discount how this experience is changing me in positive ways. aside from the obvious excitement that erupts when a student approaches me in the hall and uses a new word that i taught them in a sidebar, like ‘stylish’ or ‘what’s up’ complete with the head nod of course. there are kids here who had never spoken to a non-japanese person before and were literally pained by that prospect. i’ve been slowly working on them. at first a discreet wave…then an elbow in the hall and a smile…a 'hello' followed by ‘how are you?’ when they became comfortable. the teachers seem amazed that i’ve gotten some of these kids to talk with me. one student wrote me a letter the other day, apologizing for falling asleep in class, saying she likes it when i smile but i wasn’t smiling [all in japanese, a coworker translated for me]. i hugged the girl and everyone looked scared to death because unnecessary touch is something they shy away from. knowing me, and my affinity for connecting, touch and all its communicative power is something i feel obliged to introduce to them; a way of bonding and communing that doesn’t require words, which aren’t my strong suit here. i’ve answered questions for Japanese friends on topics ranging from sex, to banking, to the grocery store; queries they’d never have answers to if it weren’t for some random foreigner that was plopped down in their town. and in kind, i’ve had my normal and bizarre questions answered by people who value true understanding. being in such a strange place spawns all sorts of curiosity and questions…the kind that you can’t find the answer to in travel guides or textbooks. i’ve contemplated holistic living quite a bit since i’ve been here. yoga has helped me piece together the two sides of many different coins. academic learning is truly vital for functioning in a situation like this; for understanding the logistics of a daily routine, for improving the quality of life, for providing a historical and social context in which to place each experience. but i am absolutely convinced that it is the grassroots, interpersonal style of learning that yields the greatest understanding and empathy. there is no point in learning information from books if you never put it into play and never put yourself into situations where you must draw upon and expand upon that which you’ve acquired through research. someone else’s empirical and experiential evidence, while a great place to start, cannot be substituted for your own. i find myself constantly surveying, conducting social experiments, testing the hypotheses i have formed from observations. at first i felt guilty about this, somehow devious. then i recall an elementary truth that i arrived at long ago. as different as we all are, we are all human. we share basic needs and embody common characteristics. we all find ourselves on this complicated journey of life without a guidebook. we were all afforded instincts and faculties which we must shape and hone to serve us well along our trek. we do this by calling on all of our senses to perceive acutely and rapidly so we can learn as much as we can about the world around us. there is noble intent in curiosity. while i’m observing you over my udon at the shop on the corner, you’re surveying me.
while i’m curious about your motives, you’re wondering about mine. while you rummage through my grocery cart with your eyes, i am studying your children. while you talk about me in a foreign tongue, i’m concentrating on your words. this is the give and take, ebb and flow, yin and yang that weaves the fabric of relationships, from the one between best friends to the one that creates a global society.
looking ahead…it is truly important to put into society as much as you get out. i view your contribution, on an infinite number of levels, as the measure of your success. what if that is best accomplished not through a desk job in some tall building on the corner of two important streets in your town, u.s.a.? it’s easy to pass judgement on those who wait tables until retirement, or forego college in order to make music, or quit their jobs mid-life to move to key west and fish. in every case these aren’t the honorable actions of a productive member of society, but in some cases, they may be. what if i decide to criss-cross the globe, in a quest to further understanding [on the micro and macro], while increasing the thickness of my book of experience? that will mean no 401k, no life insurance benefits, no big house with a picket fence. some would deem that unsuccessful. some would not understand. some are not cut out for that type of living. some of us are.